Thursday, February 18, 2021

Comment Wall

Link to my portfolio 


https://sites.google.com/view/lagge-portfolio




comment

7 comments:

  1. Hi Caleb! Wow, was your first story a wild ride! I was shocked when David came out and easily beat Eli the first time after hearing about everything Eli went through to train and beat his record, and I was shocked again when after nine years Eli comes back and casually crushes the previous record. I loved the surprise factor! I did have some thoughts about the material while reading, though. I was confused on why there was a nine year time jump to a new character we didn't know before. It seems you were trying to impart a lot of weight on the history between David and Eli, but I think maybe it would work better if their dynamic was fleshed out a little more? Maybe something about why there was such a big rivalry between the two of them in the first place? Was it just because of competitiveness or something more? And I also did want to point out a minor typo you might have missed when writing the story -- when Eli comes back and shatter's George's record, you slightly misspelled George as "Geroge". All in all, I did really enjoy your story! And after I read the author's note and realized what your inspiration was, I liked it even more. Great job!

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  2. Hey Caleb! I really enjoyed reading your story. It was really engaging and fun to read. I definitely didn't expect to read a story about deadlifting connecting to the Ramayana. I thought the 9 year time jump was a little distracting and misplaced but I can see why you did it. I think you did a really good job explaining each of the character's internal thoughts and characterizing them. One suggestion I have regarding the website layout is to maybe add a divider line between the author's note and the story. I added one to my stories recently and really like the way it looks so maybe you will too. There were a few grammatical errors in the story but none that were too major. The last paragraph was kind of choppy and ended abruptly so maybe consider altering that. Overall I think your story was really unique and fun to read. Great Job!

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  3. Hi Caleb! I read over your story “The Price of Victory” and I really enjoyed it. I like how you synthesized multiple themes throughout the Ramayana into one story; rather than re-telling just one story and changing the environment, characters, or other details, your approach produced a really unique story while still having relevant details to the Ramayana. For example, the parallel between Rama’s exile and Eil’s disappearance allowed for your story to follow specific details while also providing creative liberty to develop your narrative in your own way. I also like how you added a third character, George, to repeat the initial conflict between Eli and David. Just as David came to shatter Eli’s record, Eli returned to stop George and finally win what he’s been working at for so long. I think it would add more to the story if you incorporated more dialogue so we can see the personality of each character. For example, I imagined David to be really prideful and arrogant, but dialogue would clarify his personality. Overall, it was a great story!

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  4. Hello Caleb! I just finished reading your story "Riddles for Riches". Like I do for most, if not all, of these retellings I went back and read the original before I read the retelling. Just to refresh myself so I can better understand the changes that were made. I was very intrigued to see that you selected more than one. This is an approach that I have not done myself but I will definitely consider doing in my future storytelling assignments. After reading both the originals as well as your version, I must say that you took a very cool and unique approach. It was a very fun story to read. I loved it! I am no expert story teller so I don't have any constructive criticism for you. I also like how much dialogue you incorporated into the story. This is something I am working on doing myself. As for the layout of your site, it is very visually appealing and easy to navigate. Great work!

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  5. Hey Caleb,
    I just read your story "Riddles for Riches" and I really enjoyed it. I liked how you spaced out your dialogues and did not continue them as paragraphs. The spacing makes your page looks super clean and easy to read. Your author's note was super informative. I have not watched the movie you mentioned but I could clearly understand what you were taking about. Again, the paragraphing in your author's note was well done. I also liked the fact that you incorporated two stories and a movie reference, and that each of the references had a paragraph of its own. I think it was really smart the way you used the whole time travel thing and connected it to corns! I also liked how you ended your story. It made me chuckle. Overall, your website was easy to navigate and it looked very neat. You did a great job!

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  6. Hi Caleb, interesting stories in your portfolio! I enjoyed reading the Price of Victory as it was a new and unique take on a classic tale from the Ramayana. I've never come across any stories within the class relating to powerlifting, but it was written well. You kept the essential elements of the original story while rewriting it into an entirely different environment. Your second story is also interesting, as it is a nice continuation of the previous story, while keeping the mythological elements of the tale in a modern environment. Turning foe to friend was a nice touch. The header for this story was perfect, as it showed the unification between the two former rivals. Riddles for Riches was a hilarious story, with the time traveler giving the peasant lottery numbers being a nice gag. I think its great that this story carried influence from multiple stories, and not just one.

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